With this work, I wanted to turn inward. I set the intention of reflecting on, being fully present in, and building up my sense of self as trans enough, Indigenous enough, survivor enough. I prepared a collection of personal signifiers from different points in my life, versions of my self, relatives, and loved ones.
As queer/trans and Indigenous, it can feel very hard to find spaces that are safe or inclusive. Anti-Indigeneity and pervasive silence about anti-Indigenous violence and colonial violence, persists; queer community is no exception. Further, one of the painful echoes of the attempted indoctrination of Indigenous peoples by colonial missionaries and residential schools is homophobia and transphobia, forced upon Indigenous peoples for generations.
I found my grounding for this work in the introduction to Qwo-Li Driskill’s Asegi Stories: Cherokee Queer and Two-Spirit Memory. In hir introduction, s/he describes re-storying as “a retelling and imagining of stories that restores and continues cultural memories.”
Through three hours of repetitive and exploratory ritual, in which I made space to care for my needs, shifting between tasks as I did, I strove to re-story and restore a sense of self inclusive of past hardships and trauma, as well as joys and growth. Deepening the connection across time, I revisited a performative action I first attempted in 2013, in which I carefully applied and then wiped off red lipstick over and over. In this act, red eventually saturates the cloth, my hands, and my face. This time, I continued until the tube was emptied, metaphorically bookending 9 years of my life, creating a story of wholeness from many parts.
